My room smells like vodka and shame
In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
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