I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
did it hurt when the cum got in your eye
not so much hurt, more like a stinging sinsation like mouthwash
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
There's always the 'not have sex with the drunk girl I just met at some party' option.
That was the plan but Tequila showed up at the party too.
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Is it weird that the girl I'm fucking just wished me luck on my date tonight?
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
There. There is gum on my butt cheek IT IS NOT MINE
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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