he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I need to stop fucking people before I get to know them
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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