So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
Dude, I don't care how big her tits are. I have to dump her. She shit in my shower.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i told you he always needs adult supervision he just tazered himself
I'm so eating pot-chocolate cookies while preggers. This kid will be so amazing.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
