we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
He made me a mix cd. There is obviously something wrong with him.
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
Dude, my sex life is so sad since I started having feelings.
Sleeping with just one person sucks
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Going on a coke binge the night before your appointment with your therapist (to talk about your sex addiction) is prob not the best idea.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
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