these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
woke up with food on the counter from chipotle, taco bell, green cactus, and on the border take out. explain?
you were trying to get this Spanish chick to sleep with you. you were showing her how much you "loved her native food."
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
to improve your porn experience, just imagine a slow speaking older English man narrating it all like a Nature documentary
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
I'm naked and there are two trees and a yield sign
Be right there
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
Randomize
