but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
How early is too early to start day drinking? Asking for a friend
About five minutes ago. You’re good now.
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