you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I mean I found and stalk his moms facebook.. that obsessed.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
So I wore a corset to school. Fuck laundry.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
