guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
I was giving him a handjob in the woods and a family walked by
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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