Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I need you to send me a picture of your dick. I want to forward it to that girl and you and i both know you're more impressively sized
Am I texting you while being used as a stripper pole by two half-naked women? hint: I am.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
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