you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
Bring scissors.....i think im gonna have to be cut out of this damn jockstrap
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Got too starbucks. 3out of the 4 girls working i have ducked and haven't ever called. My coffee has dick written on it. It may contain spit by pumpkin lattes are only once a year
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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