She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
I think my ball sweat smells like waffle house. might be time to change up drunken eating habits
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Randomize
