The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
hes 24 and dating a highschool junior and keeps saying how happy he is. happy about what? her ACT score??
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
traded hat for shot of whiskey. lovah yo life. only ADVENTURE NOW. OH GOD IT WENT TO CAPS LOCK
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
No I got myself stoned. With her bowl. She was just a casualty of the War on Sobriety.
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
Randomize
