Grinding on my ninth grade teacher. Dreams really do come true
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Yours weakened by children. Mine weakened by a forearm sized cock for 8 years.
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
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