I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
