i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
We are horrible
Yeah but we're also awesome
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
He dicked me, fed me creme brulee, and didn’t make a big deal out of me causing a flood to come outta my vagina
Marry him NOW
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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