Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
I've never had a woman show me her venereal disease results in a bar before.
Was the mom I hooked up with decently attractive I feel like her two friends were hotter
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
That all sounds beautiful. All I have to offer is my shining personality, extensive amounts of space knowledge, and I hear I am pretty not sucky at sucking dick
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
Randomize
