Mr ***** is in bed with his super hot wife giving her 18 inches of pleasure
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
I just coughed and my vagina hurt. We need to hook up more.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
