I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
I don't remember its real name, I just call it the Harrison Ford Cush after that idea with the Indiana Jones mask. I should just get high and sell people my ideas for their Halloween costumes all the time. I'd make a fucking fortune.
Missing both credit cards and just had a flashback of grinding my nuts on the terrified cab driver for amusement. i am feeling a slight hate for myself right now.
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
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