dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
