I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
You guys need to stop introducing me as "the girl you shared"
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
Like I'll lick your nuts to make you feel better if you don't get it
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
