This dress was meant to end up on your floor
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
please hold off on going into labor, i might need you to take me to the free clinic
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
he had DANDRUFF in his PUBES. 0/10 would not blow again.
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
How's work going?
Boring. I have a cat on a leash right now
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
Randomize
