I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
There's hot sauce all over my mirror, lamp shade and dresser. Also it's your turn for weed
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
Married dude I had an affair with 10yrs ago was at table next to us at dinner last nite. My mom asked him to take a pic of us & then commented how cute he was as they left. Do I tell her he’s got a huge D too?
You proposed a left ass cheek firmness contest and got a surprising number of contestants. Then you ruined it by groping someone who wasn't playing and awarding them first place.
Randomize
