I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
is it mean to send ur x his condoms back because they are too small for ur new boyfriend?
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
IS FOOTBALL GONNA SUCK HIS DICK? NO, IT IS NOT
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
I made this pact with my vagina, though. No more heartless fuckery.
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
Found an elderly homeless guy with a Gandalf beard passed out on my porch. I put a Santa hat over his erect dick cause he was naked.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Randomize
