the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
No. Do you know how much this carpet cost? If she comes over, you put down towels this time. i'm so not kidding.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
He's good looking but he really sounds like kermit the frog, can you imagine how fucking him would sound like?
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
