There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
Just saw a baby with a T-shirt that read "I am the result of my mother forgetting to take her magic pills". I can't believe they make shit like that.
failed my one goal of the day: wake up before 2 pm.
Dude their dog does tricks for sips of beer. He keeps going up next to people and trying to shake. This is awesome.
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
We need to do something soon. I need like 4,000 beers and a cigarette.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
I need dick so bad, I’m dressing sexy for the school pick up line and sports practices to entice a few of the DILFs
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