im drinking this country out of the recession.
Three words: puerto rican gang bang
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Noo.... Like in the attic of a crack house with nitrous and fat chicks weird....
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
Randomize
