mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
Remind me in the morning that I've now seen a guy do crack. That actually happened. I'm at the wrong party.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
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