I'm really into asian looking animals
i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
I'm pretty sure my intestines are bleeding but I'm still going to Orlando to catch that orgasm.
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Like sometimes I’ll be hangry but for dick
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