Can I come over?
Can't... I'm at class right now.
No your not
I'm outside by your car.
Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
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