I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
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I try to help out whenever I can. Speaking of rough nights I woke up half naked on Brady's couch with bloody paper towels duct taped to my foot.
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
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I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
You tried to wave to Meg on Family Guy and got upset because she wasn't waving back
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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