i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
Also what is the name of Americas thing where we had a holy obligation to expand westward? I'm going name my new lighter that.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
