her dad's the mattress king, she's genetically engineered to be good in bed
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
I don't think she considers it a date unless she publicly urinates
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
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