Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
someone called me shannon dorrhety annnd it hurt my feelingsd.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
No that's sign language, not a drinking game. I tried to join
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Randomize
