This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
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