i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Fuck winter. I had to scrape my windshield, shoeless, after the walk of shame so I could go home.
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Do you think drinking vodka, rum and sourpuss out of a water bottle, in a class that isn't even mine rude?
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
