I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
she just took adderol and chased it w dog water
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
you started shaking the frozen steak while screaming "THIS IS CAPITALISM" before rubbing it all over your chest and passing out on your dog
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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