he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I woke up to Dragon Ball Z playing in Portuguese and a donut shish-kebab~ed on a dick in my face.
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
Randomize
