How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
super hot butfun
Oops. What a difference a comma and a space make.
every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
If you want to borrow my flask for all future interviews as a good luck charm because your last one went so well with it in your suit pocket, just let me know
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
