Do you still have your period?
sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
He was spoon feeding me wine all night.
I just realized I'm not towing a trailer. I thought this whole drive home I was towing a trailer. Wow too high
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
Fell twice in five points. on my face. literally during a cross walk. The cars just went around me. 21st birthday memories right there
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Randomize