I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
when does it stop being whiskey dick and start just being me bad in bed?
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
he was holding the bottle like a running back yelling for security and the national guard as he was being tackled
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.