Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
Why is there uncooked bacon under my bed?
You insisted on taking it to bed with you. You grabbed it out of the fridge while mumbling "If I leave this out, you fuckers are just going to ruin it."
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
They're playing house music in my dentists office again, wtf is wrong with these people. That's not the music you want to get a root canal to
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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