so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
