god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I have demons in me.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
He just stood there...Helen Keller and I could have had a more interesting conversation
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
i was so unappreciative the bar was giving out sweatbands UNTIL I casually used it during sex.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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