I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
I dunno... she just cried a lot and I kept sighing.
Tell her to not eat the pizza she threw up on.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
So who won the naked front yard Olympics last night?
Well my tits are spray painted gold & i have what i think r the Olympic rings shaved in my vag !!!!!!!SO its safe to say i won something ....
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Is it possible to be drunk burnt? Like sun burnt but from drinking? Cus I think I that's what it feels like
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
