Did you see that girl I got with last night?
Girl? Oh...weird...to be honest Ive always thought you were gay..
If I die today, promise to let the world know I partied.... oh god did I party
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Was behind a guy going 20 for 4 miles I'll be there as soon as the universe quits fucking me
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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