threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Did you guys have sex yet? And don't worry, I broke the ice already by sending this to both of you. So you can just jump right into it. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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