I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
College: when you wake up drunk without pants and wearing a Cosby sweater
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
