Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
He sent me $300 worth of sex toys. My clitoris went into hiding after two days.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
The clothing optional portion of the night began around midnight. Then we did disgusting things to each other. It was beautiful.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
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