im having a hard time not telling ppl about ur bathroom story
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
the theme of the baby shower is Nightmare On Prego Street
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
Randomize
