Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
I don't know what's wrong with me. The guy from bar rescue is making me horny
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
The neighbors in the apartment above us are at it again. The roleplay this time is cop and prostitute. I give it 30 minutes, you? Already sounds better than the last one
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
