dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
i offered her breakfast shots. she politely declined.
No it was the best sex I've had in months. Nothing turns me on more than getting rid of a boyfriend.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I'm going to the store to get corona, salad, and blunt wraps...
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
