She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I keep having dreams where I tie him up and eat cookies off of him while riding him. Wtf brain.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
OMG I DIDNT READ THAT TEXT CAREFULLY CAUSE I'M ON THE DEVILS LETTUCE & I THREATENED TO PUNCH A CHILD OMG I'M SO SORRY
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