sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
If you're going to do that you're going to need a pleather suit.
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
Randomize
