Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
I'm pretty sure we scarred one of our coworkers. This is the second time he has caught us both fully undressed and banging at work.
Either he has bad timing or he wants to join.
You need a sexual gate keeper
My dad just asked if I could bring snacks to jail this weekend. Like what does he think this is, some type of adult play date?
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
last night I learned that if you try to buy tacos in this town, that you will be stopped by three cop cars with breathalizers
Randomize
