u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
I have sucked so much dick this week I think I am going to start sweating semen
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
If I die, sorry about rent.
I'm trying to imagine how upset he was when he realized that he had been cockblocked by a picture of a sloth and I am drawing indescribable pleasure from it.
We sat at the bar and made fun of everyone around us. I'm in love
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
