you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
hey can i play with your boom stick tonite? I'll let you shoot the love of jesus in my face.
come over
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
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High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I tried to stop that, but then I pulled the leaves out of my panties and went to sleep.
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I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
It's 1am and I'm on LSD and I have diarrhea in a Dunkin Donuts. Help me
Why was I lying under a truck last night?
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
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