i hope S**** or M***** or someone took note of the fact that i was drinking popov like water and could no longer form sentences. i mean, dont get me wrong i had been thinking about boning R*** long before my sobriety left the picture but the number of reasons not to, outweighed the temptation and without sir robert burnett as R***'s wingman, it would have never happened
My t9 writes chubies instead of bitches.
either way. win, win.
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
They want to listen to Lady Gaga while they puke.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
So the night ended when we tried making fireworks out of gunpowder and oregano. You can figure out how that went.
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
It's Christmas, you should know what a virgin is.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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