So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Just blew a guy who had the same phone case as me. It was destiny.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Randomize
