just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
what is it with giant penises always finding me
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
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