Um, I don't know who U MEANT to send that to, but yes I WAS going to fuck you. Instead you can go play Halo with ur friends.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
I'm sober. Being kissed by a chick with a llama puppet. Shoot me now.
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
I talked to his mom for a good 10 minutes with coke all over my nose. Not the best first impression
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