Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
I made a Wendy's employee say fuck this and quit because I started flipping out due to a baked potato shortage. Of course I had a good night
We bonded over blowjobs and stories of our childhoods. It was beautiful.
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
Randomize
