R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I seriously just washed my dick in a public restroom. That's how dirty last night got
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
All of a sudden he got that look on his face and ran to the dance floor and started fist pumping to Rihanna that kind of night
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
