Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
