apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
