dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
He had me saved in his phone as "Dick Socket". Lets see if I ever fuck him in a bathroom again.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Is it a bad thing for a seven year old to call one an alcoholic? Asking for a friend..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
