oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Randomize
