Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
Randomize
