Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
Ketchup is God's man juice
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
you tipped EVERY employee at white castle
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
doing shots of $6 a bottle whiskey and chasing it with milk. my own personal way of saying fuck life.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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